estrella had learned recently that she didn't know chiron as she had believed.
he did things that made no sense. he seemed to expect her to understand these things without explanation. it made her wonder what he thought of her. what he thought she thought about things. what would his thoughts be in her place. estrella didn't know.
she felt unmoored.
why did she love this man? running away, or really, just bowing out gracefully-- maintaining some dignity, that was the key point-- was the only thing that made any kind of sense. she was proving to him that he shouldn't value her, that she would take any kind of treatment that he dished out to her-- that was what she would have told herself, had she asked for advice. but she wasn't.
instead she reasoned it out like this:
maybe she was delusional. in that case she'd just carry on being delusional.
maybe he was using her. she didn't have the heart to believe this, but it was the second most likely answer after the whole delusional thing, so any rational assessment had to include that possibility. in that case she was already hurt and she would probably be hurt again.
maybe he had good reasons.
maybe he had bad reasons.
maybe they had something to do with estrella.
maybe they had nothing to do with estrella.
estrella didn't know.
